#78, "So! What are we doing today?"
In my head I think of the narrative arc of these newsletters. There will be a beginning, a middle, and an end and it all takes place over max three weeks. In the beginning we are scared and it’s also novel and we have lots of plans. In the middle it’s so hard but we see it starting to work and it’s our new normal. In the end we’re so glad it’s time to get back to regular life but we wouldn’t give back those weeks with our kids for anything. We’ll always think of that time as the time we realized how much we, and our kids, were really capable of, although haha! we are sure thankful for daycare.
In reality, I keep trying to remind myself that we don’t actually know. But forcing some kind of narrative, some kind of story, onto it makes it feel more manageable. Also, SAHM routines are necessary, and there are so many options. In my group text chains, screenshots of routines and links to spreadsheets fly by my face. Every 30 minutes or so there’s another one.
I wonder if the SAHM Instagram influencers are like haha, it’s my turn now bitches. If I were them, I’d feel that way. Sort of like a kinder, more helpful version of the guy who hoarded all the Purell so that he could resell it.
It remains really weird that this is happening while I’m on maternity leave. On the one hand, I am thankful that I don’t also have to be working during this. On the other hand, it means that taking care of the children is now my full-time job and we also cannot sit in the kid TV area at Wegmans.
Eileen is six weeks old today. I keep reading how fussiness peaks at six weeks and “gradually” gets better. She was born two weeks early, though, so is she actually four weeks old and this is actually only the beginning of the fussiness? I wonder this probably 12 or 14 times a day. She’s sleeping on my chest while I write this. But she just sneezed so hard she almost rolled off.
At 12:35 PM yesterday Alice said “So! What are we going to do today?” and my heart just sank. We are going to have a huge St. Patrick’s Day celebration, but just the five of us. At bedtime tonight she told me weepily that she never really has “as much fun” at “parties with just our family because they’re never really planned.” I said, “But honey, now it’s all we have to do.”
Also yesterday I took them to the playground. This was before it became a little more clear that maybe playgrounds are also out. She said, “Mom, sit down and let’s talk! So! What do you want to talk about?” and looked at me demandingly with a sparkle in her eye and I wanted to sprint right out of there. But then today I took just her and Eileen on a walk and it was much better. “Mom, there’s something I’ve noticed. When people have a playdate and somebody comes over to their house. The mom of the person whose house it is always acts really…nice? During the playdate. Like, nicer than a regular person. I mean…nicer than a regular…mom.”
“Well, you know,” I said. “Isn’t it funny? A lot of times people act a lot nicer when they’re not around just their families.”